Talking politics at Christmas: How to avoid holiday fights with family

If the goal this holiday season is to avoid conflict, he suggested that, before knocking on a relative’s door, people proactively weigh the situation they’re entering. In any disagreement or a conflict, people are going to get more defensive and become more of who they are. If you are in conflict with a seeker, he or she is going to seek further and if they are an avoidant, they are going to shy away from it. So, it is better to focus on the content of what they are saying rather than their tone or approach they are using. Pay attention to feelings being expressed and be aware and respect differences and their view points. If you cannot come to an agreement, you can always agree to disagree.

  • You could be just as responsible for the dysfunction on your team as your aggressive, combative colleagues.
  • Then we are not storing up fearful emotions and trauma for the future.
  • Tensions can rise and bubble over in other areas of your life when it is not appropriate for them to come out.
  • Probably the most common methods of avoiding conflict is to simply ignore the problem.
  • Also, the ideal timing and the best language choice for addressing an issue varies from couple to couple and from issue to issue.
  • Learning how to confront someone assertively won’t happen overnight.

Conflict avoidance is a common people-pleasing behavior but it can harm your growth, harm your relationships, and even impact your well-being negatively. Learning how to confront conflicts with better communication skills, empathy, and self-awareness can help you navigate conflicts smoothly and constructively. When you avoid conflicts then that means you allow room for unresolved problems to fester, which can later worsen over time, affecting your mental health and well-being.


Leaving conflicts unresolved can lead to frustration and pent-up emotions. It also means that you are essentially trapped in that situation and cannot move on. As you work towards building a more secure relationship with your partner, it may feel as though they have a constant need for reassurance that you will be unable to meet. Set a reminder in your phone to send a simple text a few times a day to let them know you’re thinking about them. When there is conflict reassure them that it is not the end of the relationship. Remembering all the good times you had with this person helps to defuse the ticking bomb inside you as you saturate your language with reassurance and comfort.

Why I tend to be conflict avoidant – Denison Forum

Why I tend to be conflict avoidant.

Posted: Tue, 07 Mar 2023 08:00:00 GMT [source]

Some who are more prone to anger find themselves frequently angry and view anger as the issue rather than the experience of threat to their specific needs or desires. The people around us have a stronger influence on our decisions and actions than we realize. Here’s what research reveals about our networks’ gravitational force.

Signs You’re Chronically Conflict-Avoidant

There have been lots of research to suggest that this is not healthy. Probably the most common methods of avoiding conflict is to simply ignore the problem. For example, a husband who suspects his wife is cheating on him might choose to ignore it, as if it came to light there’s a danger his wife might leave him. Avoidance in a relationship happens when you wall-off or disengage until you and your partner end up feeling alone in the relationship. The vote had been due on Monday but was postponed to give more time for diplomats to meet US objections to the wording of the draft resolution.

You cannot look for a common ground with a person that believes something opposite of you and it may be more difficult to find shared values and agreement. Such disputes and conflicts often are an inevitable part of our personal and professional life –when not managed well, they can quickly sap your morale and impact your productivity. Growing up in an emotionally neglectful family not only conveys to you that your feelings are not valid or worthy of expression, but it also has another negative effect on your ability to face and handle conflict.

Sandwich with Love, Confrontation, and Love

That might mean you only spend four hours with the family on Christmas. During that time, make a promise to yourself and your family, says Tawwab. “Maybe I want to spend time with my cousin who’s going through terminal illness. Maybe I want to be lazy and watch TV on the couch and not engage. All of it is cool,” says Lew.

  • Speaking to a qualified therapist can help you learn how to better manage your negative emotions.
  • This Is an example of how an anxious attachment style can influence day-to-day interactions, even in a loving relationship.
  • You also might double-check your company’s policy on after-hours phone calls, as you can use this policy as a backup.
  • When approaching the person with whom you are in conflict, you might acknowledge the discomfort you feel before explaining why you believe it is important to talk things through.
  • Focus on what you need from the situation to have more productive conversations even if that makes you uncomfortable.

Psychologists and diversity, equity and inclusion experts told USA TODAY how families can chart a course through, or around, landmine-filled political discussions this year and enjoy a happy holiday. This holiday season, as Americans break bread with loved ones, many will how to deal with someone who avoids conflict be navigating – or trying to avoid – heated discussions over politics, from the upcoming 2024 presidential election to the ongoing war in Israel. But the holidays can be especially daunting if you and your family don’t agree about politics or debates dividing the country.

While avoidance sometimes seems like the best way to deal with conflict, in the long run it ends up harming our intimacy. In a relationship, this can look like going silent on a partner, changing the subject, or enduring uncomfortable situations instead of expressing issues openly. Conflict avoidance is a type of people-pleasing behavior that typically arises from a deep rooted fear of upsetting others. For example, conflict can be an opportunity to share your feelings and become closer to your partner. Vulnerability can improve emotional intimacy as it can help your partner understand you better. You know those people that seem to shut down when you try to engage with them?

  • Rather than endlessly ruminate and allow conflicts to fester in your head, try taking a more assertive approach.
  • The US said on Saturday its guided-missile destroyers had shot down 14 Houthi drones in the Red Sea.
  • If you are afraid of your relationship getting damaged, you can bring your focus back on to what is that you both are really disagreeing and this way you can separate the relationship from disagreement.
  • To help break free of this mindset, Gregg recommends focusing on how decisions will make you feel in the future.
  • It’s also about ensuring that problematic issues (like the one with your co-worker) are dealt with so they don’t happen again in the future.

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